


Being different

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Being Dean Winchester, Dean's a good big bro, Demi! Sam Winchester, F/M, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural) Feels, Past Relationship(s), Protective Dean Winchester, Queer Sam Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 11:32:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: A look into Sam's sexuality, and how Dean deals with his baby brother.





	Being different

The first time they spoke about it, Sam was fifteen. He walked into the Motel room they were staying in, nervous and fully ready to run if this didn’t work. His brother was lounging about, feet kicked up over the edge of the couch in the room, watching some crappy TV drama. Dean barely bothered rising his head, so Sam shuffled into the room and put his bag down.

‘Hey Dean?’ His brother tilted his head, a beer bottle in hand, looking across to Sam. He took a deep breath, telling himself that this was Dean, the same guy that had raised him up, had kissed his knees when they were bruised and bumped, had taught him to read and write.

‘Can I talk to you?’ It was broaching dangerously into the “chick-flic” rule that Dean stood by, but his brother still gave a nod, setting the bottle down and swinging his feet around.

‘Sure Samantha, come talk about your feelings.’ He teased, but Sam could see concern layered underneath the green-eyes. He settled on a bed, Dean’s bed, and thought about how best to word this. He cracked his knuckles, then decided to just get on with it.

‘I’m going out on Friday. I got a date.’ Dean was grinning, and Sam felt his heart clench. This was the bit that could go wrong.

‘That’s great, Sammy! What’s she like? Big boobs? Nerdy like you?’ Dean genuinely was excited, probably because Sam had never had a date before. Still, Sam wasn’t sure if Dean would like the answer to the question.

‘Well, er… it’s a guy.’ Sam didn’t look up, the silence that filled the Motel room enough to worry him. Then he heard Dean chuckle, and looked up to see his brother still smiling.

‘Guess I should have asked about Dick size.’

**

Sam’s first date had been… a weird experience. Kissing a guy felt just as weird as kissing a girl did, and Sam was slightly disappointed by that. It didn’t feel wrong, he just didn’t really want to go too far. The guy, who was on the football team, was a little more pushy than Sam would have liked. Sam had adamantly stated that he wasn’t interested, but the guy was trying to put hands places they shouldn’t be, and Sam took a dive out of the window. It was first floor, so it wasn’t that bad, but he still ended up with a couple of bruises.

When Dean saw him, his face grew angry. Sam didn’t want to talk about it, not until after he had showered, and Dean had cooked him Mac n’ cheese. They were sitting down watching TV when Sam looked across to his brother, hoping Dean could help.

‘I didn’t like kissing a guy either.’ Dean looked at him, and for a moment Sam saw the worry his brother felt. Then he just smiled, ruffled his hair and swung his arm around his shoulder.

‘That’s alright, Sammy. You’ll find your person.’ Dean assured, and Sam took his word for it. After all, Dean was a lot better with these things than Sam was.

**

Sam was nineteen when he lost his virginity to Jessica Moore, the girl he decided that he was sexually attracted to. But the thing that made everything better was her personality, and when he told her that, she told him he was Demisexual. He didn’t know what that meant, but he briefly nodded and kissed her, enjoying the warmth he had been missing for half his life.

Sometimes, when curled up in bed with Jess, he would think back to what his brother had said. He had found someone for him, a girl that was incredible, and he couldn’t forget that. Jessica was everything he wanted, and she had done one better than Dean had managed. She’d told him what he was, why he didn’t enjoy kissing strangers at parties or random flings.

So, when Dean pulled him out of the burning building, Jess’s face etched into his nightmares, both Winchesters knew that that was the end of something that Sam had wanted. Sam lost his girlfriend, the only person he had ever been attracted to in a sexual way. His future wife, if he had got the chance to ask. Sam wouldn’t speak to Dean about it.

**

Maddison died, which was painful. Sam had seen the potential for something, the potential for the emotions that he had felt with Jess. The thought had stirred bile in his stomach, but it hadn't been that bad. He could do that, sleep with a beautiful woman. Then she died, he shot her, and that was pretty bad. He ignored his brother trying to talk to him, went out and got drunk. He found an attractive guy to sleep with, enjoyed a night of touching even though his head was telling him this was bad.

When Dean saw him in the morning, he didn’t ask. Sam was glad of that, because he went into the shower and turned it to scorching, washing off the stain on his skin. He then cried, cried until the water turned freezing and he had no choice but to dry his eyes. When he came out, Dean just offered him a bottle of beer. That was okay.

**

He didn’t like Ruby. He never liked Ruby, never, but Dean didn’t understand that. He couldn’t tell him the truth, that didn’t help. So Dean thought he had willingly slept with the Demon, even though when they later met Crowley, the King of Hell knew. Castiel knew. But neither of them told Dean what Ruby had done, and so Sam was safe.

Lucifer had laughed, had great fun exploiting his fear of sexual relationships. That was horrible, but Sam deserved a lot worse, so he let it happen. After all, he had done a lot of bad things in his life. When he got out of the Cage and returned his memories, the last thing he needed was to sleep with someone, so he was safe yet again.

**

Years later, sitting in the Bunker, it happened. The moment that Sam had always feared, Dean trying to set him up on a one-night stand. It made him feel sick, and Castiel and Gabriel could see that, but the Hunter allowed Dean to keep talking. Because he had been drifting apart from his brother, and he needed Dean to like him again, so if that meant giving his brother what he wanted, Sam to sleep with a stranger, then he would do that.

The bar was awkward, but Sam laughed and joined in flirting with girls, even though it made his stomach twist in a horrible way. Dean looked pleased, and Sam fed off of his brother being happy, so he was willing to do this. The Angels were watching him funny, like he wasn’t being so secretive, like they knew what he was hiding. He ignored them, ignored the way he felt sick when the blonde that reminded him too much of Ruby ran fingers up his arm.

As soon as Dean was gone, tripping into the parking lot to sleep with a girl in the back of the Impala, Sam stopped flirting. The girl retreated, and Sam drunk three more beers, hoping that he would get the tipsy stage out of the way and become drunk enough to deal with the pain he was in. Gabriel leant across the table, looked to Sam with a knowing glance.

‘You don’t have to do anything, Sam.’ He snorted, drained the beer and watched someone come in. He was tall, nicely so, and quite broad. They made eye contact, the guy smirking at him, and Sam thought that maybe he could do this. He left the Angels, walked across to the bar and turned on the charm.

**

He ended up with bruises around his throat, and a very sore ass. He started walking back to the Bunker, wondering if Dean was busy or not. Eventually, he risked calling him, and heard the familiar chatter of Gabriel and Castiel in the background.

‘Sammy?’

‘Hey, c-could you pick me up? M-main road into t-town.’ God, it was cold. Sam shuddered, realising that he hadn't got his jacket, and continued to walk. When Dean picked him up, his brother didn’t say anything. They sat in silence for a while, before Dean looked across.

‘Still not interested in people, Sammy?’ That was the closest they got to talking about this, and Sam looked at his big brother.

‘Only if I have an emotional connection with them.’ Dean nodded, and Sam could tell the Angels had told him off.

‘So, Gabriel then? Don’t think I haven’t seen you staring.’ Sam laughed slightly, looked across to his big brother that had always accepted him. Why hadn't he just told him?

‘C’mere, kid.’ Dean offered out his arm, and Sam curled up to his big brother while he drove them home. Dean always accepted him.


End file.
